"I don't consider myself the next Hemingway, Seuss, or even Seth MacFarlane (ha!). Not even close. Writing has been a huge part of my life, even if I hated it when I was younger. Weighing in this hate and love relationship today."
Jade Sweater & Pants - Threadworkshop Co
I don't consider myself the next Hemingway, Seuss, or even Seth MacFarlane (ha!). Not even close. I write here, publicly for you. I write in my work journal, making endless lists and check them off. I write in my journal, personally for myself. In it, I write down ideas, my thoughts, my feelings, my regrets, my self-encouragements, my insecurities, and my strange encounters. This was not always the case. Growing up, I hated writing. To be fair, my writing only consisted of class essays and homework assignments. So you can't blame me for despising it. I would rather live in numbers than letters. As a kid, I occasionally found myself writing poems. Nothing major but that was the only time I remember enjoying putting abstract thoughts into written words. Then I remember the Xanga days when I endlessly jotted down mundane and exhaustingly boring thoughts. I also did more complaining which is impossible to believe, I know. I watched as my friends' Xanga pages got popular while I focused on building my friendships. I was still convinced that I was horrible at writing. My friends were the first to tell me that I was a good writer. Thinking back, I don't think I would be where I am now without them. How they came up with this conclusion, I have no idea. They coarsely convinced me that I was good at it. And like a brat, I always accompanied their compliments with a "No way!" Until this day, I still don't consider myself a strong writer. But I can't deny that there's something in prose that pulls me in like a soft lover's gaze. I read somewhere once that you should never deny what you're good at. And ever since then, the dots have been simply connecting.
I never knew exactly why I wrote. I know I don't like writing because it takes a lot of time. Other reasons include - I often get writer's block; I barely speak correctly, let alone write grammatically accurate; At times, my writing feels inadequate. But after all of that, the reasons why I write still remains more encouraging than the reasons why I don't like to write. I write because my thoughts expressed in little letters and words strung into complete sentences gets my thought across in a very straight forward way. Writing lives on. Spoken words don't survive unless it's recorded. Prose lives until it's deleted. When I do write, I write for myself and for whatever topic I choose. I have full creative control which is refreshing. I write because when I finish writing and look back at it, it feels like I'm getting to know myself again. It doesn't even feel like I had typed those words out in that order. It almost feels like someone used my fingers as a vessel and created something beautiful.
Like I said, I'm not the next Hemingway, Seuss, or even Seth MacFarlane. I don't even know why I do it. All I do know is that this is exactly what I need to do in this moment right here. This is where I need to be. And this all feels right. And I love writing.