I know the agonizing dilemma: Buying the perfect gift that is affordable, yet thoughtful, yet funny, yet nice. Oh, and it has to be representative of your entire friendship or relationship. No pressure! Okay, stop hyperventilating. I'm here to help you and perhaps, make you chuckle a bit. It's the only way I know how to overcome an obstacle -- with poise and lots of laughing. Like, a lot of laughing and maybe two bottle of wine.
Some of my favorite conversations exist only in emojis. Have you ever seen those Instagram bios that are literally just a sequence of emojis and it makes absolute sense. Like, I totally get you! That is because emojis fill in blanks that even words can't describe. Some of my friends even look like my favorite emojis (ahem, the running man). For Halloween, my fellow Babe at 6B and I were bunny twins. So here are four gift guides for twentysomething year olds who are self-described emojis (you know what I'm talking about!) -- The Basic Bitch Princess, The OG Grandma, The Pile of Poo Grinch, and the most horrid one The One Who Wants Nothing
They are a Princess Basic Bitch, if
- Means Girls is her favorite movie and she even started a Burn Book at one point in her life.
- Pink is her favorite color.
- she is a self-anointed "Brunch Queen".
- she orders Rosé at the bar even in the winter.
- she has an unhealthy addiction to Starbucks.
- she owns three Selfie Sticks -- one for the house, one for the car, and a small one to-go -- because you never know when your brows are on fleek and a selfie is required.
Must get them:
Anything pink, but put some thought into it and make them a nice Netflix and Chill kit stocked with "Wear Pink On Wednesdays" socks, popcorn, a Brunch Sweater, and the cutest water bottle filled with, you guessed it, Rosé!
They are an OG Grandma, if
- she lives in oversized sweaters during the winter and oversized tees in the summer.
- she hoards candles, even the shitty smelling ones.
- you go to a coffee shop, and she ask the barista a million questions about their tea selection and then she pick the fanciest weasel poop one.
- she is a member of a book club.
- you have to literally drag her dead weight body out of the house to go to your mutual friend's birthday.
- her favorite thing to do is, easy, SLEEP.
- what she likes more than tea is wine. And maybe more wine.
Must get them:
These are my favorite people. Maybe because I'm becoming one of them. Get them more candles, especially the bijou ones, because they're refillable and too pretty to light. Use "NBStyle15" to get 15% off! Or some succulents so that even when they develop pre-dementia, at least the plants will survive.
They are Poopy Face Grinch, if
- she loathes Christmas.
- money is her motivation.
- if you don't know why you two are friends because you hated her when you first met but now you love her.
- she is YOUR "bitch" and you are the only one that can call her that.
- you catch yourself wondering, "Why is she always in heels?"
- she only watches one holiday movie, The Grinch, but hates the ending.
Must get them:
Ah, so this is me 80% of my life. Get them some evil eye headphones to zone out the people around her aka at work and in the subway. Or maybe she needs a fur vest to warm up that icebox she calls a heart. Or my personal favorite -- the Binchotan Facial charcoal puff -- because she totally deserves coal this year. (It also works really well! I've used it before. It works for the face and the body).
They are someone Who Wants Nothing, if
- she is so picky!
- she is riding that minimal train. So. Hard.
- her entire Instagram feed is white.
- there was this one time when you sat down on her beautiful suede couch with your new favorite raw denim bell bottoms and left the biggest stain. WHY IS EVERYTHING IN HER APARTMENT WHITE? EVERYTHING! WHY?!
- her left black ankle sock costs more than your entire outfit. Because quality.
- she would rather watch documentaries than go see the new Ben Stiller movie with you.
Must get them:
If your friend fits in this category, I feel for you. Because this is me and honestly, I can be hard to please. Many years ago my boyfriend at the time ate ramen for an entire month just to save enough money to get me a waterproof mint green Sony digital camera. I guess couldn't hide my facial expression because I absolutely hated it. Before I could catch myself, he noticed right away and never let me down for it. The best thing to do in this situation is to get her something simple but with great quality. She will notice the details and the brand almost instantly. Something classic like an Wang Tee or red lipstick (or basically anything on my list) will win you the Coolest Best Friend Card or just a Get Out Of Jail Free card.