Sweater Over Bae is a three part collaboration with Shae NY that combines styling with my (unfortunately) true accounts of not-so-good, often horrible, dates. Unlike potential baes, a sweater will keep you cozy at night and won't judge you when you're bared face, ice cream gorging, or cyber stalking every single girl that liked your ex's photos. In fact, a sweater will hide all of that and make you feel all warm and cozy on the inside and out. If that's not #relationshipgoals, I don't know what is.
Elin Longline Cardigan - Shae // Racerback Bralette - Calvin Klein // White Trousers - Designers Remix // St. Ives Mesh Watch - Shore Project // Fringe Booties - (similar) // Rose Gold Bangle - The Peach Box ("tpb-lynnkimdo" for 15% off)
Date 01: I am a Lingerie Model
Tina says something to me. My eyes are glued to my phone, "What?"
"How is it going?"
"I don't know. Tindr is really distracting. There's so many weirdos on here....but can't...stop...swiping...."
"Let me see," she takes the phone from my hand. She is now my Dating Manager. "I'll find you some rich ones. And tall, too."
Swiping left and right, questioning their choice of profile photos, pizza or burger, beard or freshly shaven, height is a must, we piece together a personality for each potential, but she has the final say. The final swipe.
"Oh, this one is a lawyer, Jewish and 6 ft tall!"
"Shit, you two matched. Let's message him!"
Over text, he seemed hilarious. Eloquent, sharp, yet wordy. That was forgivable as I justified it with his enthusiasm. My one word, dry text messages would consistently follow after his six lines of texts. (I just counted to make sure.) After many failed attempts at meeting up, like three, like three because I was truly busy, truly traveling or the time was truly inconvenient, all honest reasons but one would have normally given up, matched with another person, played phone tag, and repeat--I should've seen the red flags--we finally agreed on a time and place. Flex Mussels on Upper East Side. He made a pun. I typed l-o-l but didn't really laugh out loud.
I am late. Waited for the train, got lost, took a cab instead, got dropped off at the wrong block, texted him, and now I'm walking in.
He isn't 6 ft., maybe 5'10" at best. I don't like liars. He doesn't look exactly like his photos nor does he look ugly. He's cute in an underwhelming way, in a he's really nice way, in a I'm not going to do an emergency exit kind of way. So let's do this...
A few hours later, I walk out of the restaurant. Acting as casual as humanly possible as I wave goodbye, as I mouth "what the fuck", as I casually turn away. I can't believe he told his entire office he scored a date (which is kinda cute) with a lingerie model (not cute at all). Excuse me?? How did he get lingerie from my Instagram photos? He brought up in specific details a pair of sandals that was in exactly two of my images. What he really meant was he had stared at my photos and gawked uncomfortably. He spent most of the date talking about how he was a lawyer, how crappy his boss is, how hot his coworker's body is--why doesn't he just ask him out then?--and that his coworker's girlfriend didn't like him--well, maybe because you want him for yourself. His jokes were less funny in person. He bought t-shirts with even less funny puns on them. Is that even possible? I was offended. I left offended. LINGERIE MODEL?